I Like To Think Of Myself As

Valentine's Day Is The Day When You Remember That Cupid Was A Lousy Shot.

I Like To Do Things For My Wife On Valentine's Day. I Open The Door For Her When She Puts Laundry In The Washing Machine.

I Bought My Son A Bat For Christmas. On New Year's It Flew Away.

My Wife Sent Me A Valentine Card That Said, "take My Heart, Take My Lips, Take My Soul." That's Just Like Her. She Kept The Good Parts For Herself.

Nowadays, When A Speaker Tells The Graduates That The Future Is Theirs--is That A Promise Or A Threat?