I Like To Think Of Myself As

I Gave My Wife A Gift Certificate For Christmas. She Ran Out To Exchange It For A Bigger Size.

They've Got Plastic Christmas Trees Now. They're Hard To Tell From The Real Aluminum Ones.

I Never Stole A Joke In My Life. I Just Find Them Before They're Lost.

It's Always Consoling To Know That Today's Christmas Gifts Are Tomorrow's Garage Sales.

I Can't Tell You His Age, But When He Was Born The Wonder Drug Was Mercurochrome.