I Like Stand-up. But I'd Also Like

I Was Walking In The Park And This Guy Waved At Me. Then He Said, 'i'm Sorry, I Thought You Were Someone Else.' I Said, 'i Am.'

I've Met A Few People Who Were Passive-aggressive, But I've Never Met Anyone Who Was Aggressive-passive. I Don't Want Tacos! Maybe.

Some Of Them Relate To Farts But They Are Not Fart Jokes. They Would Just Be A Fart In The Joke But It's About Something Else.

I Was Thinking How Strange It Is That Water Is One Of The Best, Simplest Things On This Planet, And Still With A Simple Glass Of Water You Can Neutralize So Many Of The Greatest Technological Advances That We Provide. Like With My Blackberry, I Can Get In Touch With So Many People, But If I Dip It In A Small Glass Of Water I'm Completely Disconnected.

Checkers Taught Me That A King Is A Man With Another Man On Top Of Him. But Life Taught Me That That's Actually Called A Queen.