I Like Children - Fried.

There Is Not A Man In America Who Has Not Had A Secret Ambition To Boot An Infant.

I Only Drink To Steady My Nerves... Sometimes I'm So Steady I Don't Move For Months.

All Englishmen Talk As If They've Got A Bushel Of Plums Stuck In Their Throats, And Then After Swallowing Them Get Constipated From The Pips.

My Main Ambition As A Gardener Is To Water My Orange Trees With Gin, Then All I Have To Do Is Squeeze The Juice Into A Glass.

W. C. Fields, A Lifetime Agnostic, Was Discovered Reading A Bible On His Deathbed. ''i'm Looking For A Loop-hole,'' He Explained.