I Know My Name Will Always Be

I'm The Most Unromantic Lump Of Northern Suet. Yes, A Woman Did Accost Me Once In South Shields, But She Had A Face Like Red Rum.

Last Year My Wife Ran Off With The Fellow Next Door And I Must Admit, I Still Miss Him.

I Saw Six Men Kicking And Punching The Mother-in-law. My Neighbour Said 'are You Going To Help?' I Said 'no, Six Should Be Enough.'

I Don't Mind What The Critics Say, So Long As I Get Some Reaction. The Worst Thing Is To Be Ignored.

Everyone Has A Family Tree; The Dawsons Have One, It's A Weeping Willow.