I Haven't Spoken To My Wife In

I Was So Ugly My Mother Used To Feed Me With A Sling Shot.

I Said To A Girl I'd Been Seeing, Come Home With Me, Honey, And I'll Show You Where It's At. She Said, You'd Better, Because The Last Time I Could'nt Find It.

I Say 'no' To Drugs. Whenever Someone Asks Me For Some Of My Drugs I Say, 'no.

I've Never Been Lucky. The Day My Ship Came In, I Was At The Airport.

I Knew A Girl So Ugly That She Was Known As A Two-bagger. That's When You Put A Bag Over Your Head In Case The Bag Over Her Head Breaks.