When My Old Man Wanted Sex, My

I Get No Respect... I Tell You, When I Was Born, The Doctor Smacked My Mother

I Have Tried A Little Kinky Stuff. A Woman Called Me And Said, 'i Have Mirrors All Over My Bedroom. Bring A Bottle.' I Brought Windex.

I Tell Ya, Gambling Never Agreed With Me. Last Week I Went To The Track And They Shot My Horse With The Opening Gun.

When I Was Forty, I Was Getting Divorced, Living In A Low-class, Dirty Hotel In New York. My Mother Was Dying Of Cancer. I Owed $20,000. That Was About The Lowest. I Came Back To Show Business, And I Couldn't Get A Job. I Was Turned Down By Every Small-time Agent In New York.

I Had Plenty Of Pimples As A Kid. One Day I Fell Asleep In The Library. When I Woke Up, A Blind Man Was Reading My Face.