I Have So Many Liver Spots, I

You Know You're Old When Your Walker Has An Airbag.

There's Such A Buildup Of Crud In My Oven, There's Only Room To Bake A Single Cupcake.

I Like To Serve Chocolate Cake, Because It Doesn't Show The Dirt.

We Have Far Too Many Kids. At One Time In The Playpen There Was Standing-room Only. It Looked Like A Bus Stop For Midgets. It Used To Get So Damp In There, We'd Have A Rainbow Above It.

You Can Say The Nastiest Things About Yourself Without Offending Anyone.