I Have More Pictures Of My Children

After You Eat A Hot Pocket, Everything Will Taste Like Rubber For A Month!

My Whole Comic Persona Is That Of A Guy Who Explores The Id: I Romanticize Gluttony, I Romanticize Laziness, And People Identify With That.

I Think Growing Up In Indiana Prepares Anyone For A Life In Comedy. I Do Feel Like There Is A Certain Kind Of Self-effacing Cynicism Among All Hoosiers.

Do You Ever Leave A Message For Somebody And The Answering Machine Cuts You Off, And You Have To Decide Whether You Should Not Call Back, Or Call Back And Appear Like A Stalker? "hi. It's Me Again. I Forgot To Tell You That I'm Going To Kill You. Because I'm The Freak Who Keeps Calling And Calling."

Most Single Guys I Know Think Fatherhood Is Terrifying.