I Have Been In A Lot Of

Historically, A Successful Life In Comedy Is A Dream That's As Equally Pondered And Unpursued As Being An Astronaut.

In Hollywood, There Is Another Name For A Woman's 40th Birthday Party, It's A Retirement Party.

I Snorted Heroin Once By Accident. It Was Amazing. But Kids, Don't Snort Heroin. It's Too Good.

I'm Very Resilient. The Only Thing I'm Missing Right Now Are Abs.

Artie Is Going To Do What Ever Artie Wants To Do.