I'm A Comic, So I Like To

The Point Of Drinking In Moderation Is That Sometimes You Don't Drink In Moderation.

The Only Reason I Can't Recommend Heroin To Kids Is Because The Effects Wear Off.

Richard Lewis Has This Incredible Ability To Look Like He's Just... You Know It's An Act That's Been Honed. What You Have To Do In Standup Is Create Spontaneity, Somehow; Even Though You've Done This Act A Million Times, You Gotta Look Like You're Almost Just Thinking Of It Now, To Make It Entertainer.

I Have Gay Friends, I Support Gay Rights, I Have Nothing Against The Gay Community, But When I See Two Guys Kissing, I Think It's Gross. And, By The Way, It's Gross When 99% Of Straight People Do It, Too.

I Ain't Apologizing For Anything, Especially If It's A Joke.