I Had Never Done A Roast, But

You Know What I'd Like To Be Able To Do More Than Anything Else? I'd Love To Be Able To Shoot Spaghetti Out Of My Fingertips. Pppptthhh! Cause No One Wants To Be Covered In Spaghetti. No. If I'm On A Date With A Girl And She's Very Rude, I'd Be Like, You Know What? Pppptthhh! Enjoy Your Spaghetti, You're Very Rude. Enjoy Your Spaghetti, Cause You're Rude. Pppptthhh!

I'm Sure That People Who Have Been Tweeting Funny Things Have Ended Up On Writing Staffs Of A Late Night Show.

Every Great Thing Starts With An Idea, Followed By A Doubt And Finally A Resolve To Abandon Or Pursue. Victory Is A Treacherous Journey.

You Have To Learn The Crowd. I Just Pay Attention To Them So I Can Make Sure I Can Make Them Laugh.

When You Swear To God, Its True ... Right Now God Is Watching And Saying, This Is True.