I Got My First Laugh When My

I've Tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, T'ai Chi, Feng Shui And Deepak Chopra But I Find Straight Gin Works Best.

If Your Husband Wants To Lick The Beaters On The Mixer, Shut Them Off Before You Give Them To Him.

When I Go To The Beach, My Grandchildren Try To Make Words Out Of The Veins In My Legs. That's Why I Still Take The Pill; I Don't Want Any More Grandchildren.

I'm The Woman Who Used To Think That Middle-age Spread Was A Cocktail Dip.

I'd Love To Slit My Mother-in-law's Corsets And Watch Her Spread To Death.