I Feel Like My Eyes Have Gonorrhea.

What Calmed Me Down Finally Was When My Girlfriend Got Pregnant.

What An Honor That Stephen Prouty Got Nominated For Best Makeup And Hairstyling For Jackass Presents Bad Grandpa. Am I As Stunned As Everyone Else We Didn’t Get The Nod For Best Picture? Well Of Course, Duh, But I Won’t Let That Take Away From My Happiness For Steve, Tony Gardner, And Our Whole Makeup Team. Wahoo!

A Lot Of Stand-up Comedy Guys, When They Get A Little Famous, Just Give Up Their Stand-up Career, And It Cancels Out The Thing That Set Them Apart.

Doctors Have Told Me I Have A High Pain Threshold, But I Can Only Know What I Feel. I Think I'm Good At Minimising The Pain And Being Indifferent To It.

I'm The Fun Dad, I Am Also The Disciplinarian.