I Don't Like People Cleaning My Room.

No, I Am A Crier And If People Ever Saw Me Privately They Would Be Shocked At What A Bowl Of Mush I Am Underneath It All.

Give A Guy A Girlfriend And A Great Job, He Doesn’t Need Therapy.

Until I Started Doing Standup, There Were Some Very Bleak Days.

Hey, I May Loathe Myself, But It Has Nothing To Do With The Fact That I'm Jewish.

The Closest I Ever Came To Death Was Masturbating With A 104-degree Temperature.