I Don't Have A Girlfriend. But I

I Don't Wear A Watch Because I Want My Arms To Weigh The Same.

I Wish My Name Was Brian Because Maybe Sometimes People Would Misspell My Name And Call Me Brain. That's Like A Free Compliment And You Don't Even Gotta Be Smart To Notice It.

I Want To Get Non-aerosol Mace, You Just Rub It In. "dude Who Is Attacking Me - Come A Little Closer!"

Every Mcdonald's Commercial Ends The Same Way: Prices And Participation May Vary. I Wanna Open A Mcdonald's And Not Participate In Anything. I Wanna Be A Stubborn Mcdonald's Owner. "cheeseburgers?" "nope! We Got Spaghetti, And Blankets."

I Want To Ride In A Cold Air Balloon. "this Isn't Going Anywhere!"