I Didn't Go To College, But If

I Make Myself A Bowl Of Instant Oatmeal, And Then I Don't Do Anything For An Hour. Why Do I Need The Instant Oatmeal? I Could Get The Regular Oatmeal And Feel Productive.

A Snake Bite Emergency Kit Is A Body Bag.

The Depressing Thing About Tennis Is That No Matter How Good I Get, I'll Never Be As Good As A Wall.

I Like It When You Buy Something And Pay With A Credit Card, They Put Your Credit Card On The Receipt, But Only The Last Four Numbers. Aha! I'm Really Good At Guessing Twelve Numbers. I Can't Guess 16 Numbers, So Thanks For The Assistance!

A Friend Gave Me A Drug For Attention Deficit Disorder, Because He's Afflicted, But I'm Not. So What Happened To Me Is I Suddenly Had An Extra-long Attention Span. People Would Tell Me A Story, And It Would End, And I'd Get All Mad. "come On, Man, There Has To Be More To That Story."