I Don't Get No Respect, No Respect

Last Week I Was Walking By A Cemetery, Two Guys Came After Me With Shovels. It Was All About Money.

If You Can't Write Your Own Material, You Have Very Little Chance Of Making It As A Comedian.

At Twenty A Man Is Full Of Fight And Hope. He Wants To Reform The World. When He Is Seventy He Still Wants To Reform The World, But He Know He Can't.

After I Got Divorced, I Said To Myself, I Will Never, Ever Get Married Again. It Was In Cement. I Went Through A Really Rough Twenty-five Years, But It Happened Again. I Fell In Love. I Told Her, Baby, I Don't Want A Prenuptial Agreement. This Is It. Everyone Told Me I Was Nuts. Well, My New Wife And I Are Married Six Years And We Get Along Great. You Can Make Anything Work If You're Both Givers.

My Father Carries Around The Picture Of The Kid Who Came With His Wallet.