I Have Three Kids, One Of Each.

At Christmas Time I Sat On Santa's Lap. His Fly Was Open ! Boy What A Present He Gave Me !

I Was An Ugly Kid; When I Was Born, After The Doctor Cut The Cord, He Hung Himself.

I Was So Ugly My Parents Had To Hang A Pork Chop Around My Neck To Get The Dog To Play With Me.

My Wife Isn't Very Bright. The Other Day She Was At The Store, And Just As She Was Heading For Our Car, Someone Stole It! I Said, "did You See The Guy That Did It?" She Said, "no, But I Got The License Plate."

What A Childhood I Had. Once On My Birthday My Ol' Man Gave Me A Bat. The First Day I Played With It, It Flew Away.