I Don't Deserve This Award, But I

I Began My Show Business Career Playing Violin In San Francisco At The Corner Of Market And Taylor. I Understand That There Is A Theater There Now.

The Doctors Couldn't Find Anything Wrong With Me Except That I Have A Slight Stomach Pain. Wait Till I Get My Hospital Bill! Then I'll Really Have A Pain The Stomach!

Everything Good That Happened To Me Happened By Accident.

I Don't Deserve This Award, But I Have Arthritis And I Don't Deserve That Either.

I Gambled At The Crap Table All Night And Finally Lost $8, But During That Time The House Gave Me Four Drinks And Two Cigars, So It Was Still A Lot Cheaper Than Renting A Room.