I'm Like Will Rogers, I Never Met

I Practice Three Hours Daily On My Violin So I Won't Get Worse.

I Gambled At The Crap Table All Night And Finally Lost $8, But During That Time The House Gave Me Four Drinks And Two Cigars, So It Was Still A Lot Cheaper Than Renting A Room.

I Was Going To Buy My Girl A Packard Car For Christmas, But It Took Too Long To Deliver, So I Bought Her Some Handkerchiefs.

No Matter How Often I Tell People I'm Thirty-nine Some Of Them Refuse To Believe I'm That Old.

A Rich Man Is One Who Isn't Afraid To Ask The Salesperson To Show Him Something Cheaper.