I Was Born In Waukegan A Long,

When Another Comedian Has A Lousy Show, I'm The First One To Admit It.

I'm Like Will Rogers, I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like... Well, Eichmann Maybe.

I'm Happy To Be Making My First Appearance On Air Professionally. By That I Mean I'm Finally Getting Paid, Which I Know Will Be A Great Relief To My Creditors.

Age Is Strictly A Case Of Mind Over Matter. If You Don't Mind, It Doesn't Matter.

I'm Living In A Very Modest Place. I Have A Room Over-looking Beautiful Claridge's Hotel. I Thought It Was Better Than Paying Claridge's Prices And Overlooking The Dump I'm Living In.