I Was Born In Waukegan A Long,

No Matter How Often I Tell People I'm Thirty-nine Some Of Them Refuse To Believe I'm That Old.

There's Only Five Real People In Hollywood. Everyone Else Is Mel Blanc.

A Rich Man Is One Who Isn't Afraid To Ask The Salesperson To Show Him Something Cheaper.

I Believe In Being Honest With Myself. If There's One Thing I Hate It's When A Comedian Is Great And Won't Admit It. I've Never Met One Like That, But If I Did, I'd Hate Them.

My Wife Mary And I Have Been Married For Forty-seven Years And Not Once Have We Had An Argument Serious Enough To Consider Divorce; Murder, Yes, But Divorce, Never.