I Do A Lot Of Family Shows.

Kids Learn By Example. If I Respect Mom, They're Going To Respect Mom.

A Car Crossed Two Lanes Of Traffic, Flipped, And Landed On My Dad's Car. I Don't Blame Cars. My Dad Loved Cars. I Don't Have Many Memories Of My Dad. The Love Of Cars Is All I Have Of Him, Really.

Boys Can Be Disgusting. You Can't Leave Us Alone For Any Length Of Time Because We Will Burn Something, Blow Something Up Or Paint Something. We're Just Obnoxious.

Never Comment On A Woman's Rear End. Never Use The Words 'large' Or 'size' With 'rear End'. Never. Avoid The Area Altogether. Trust Me.

Playing Golf Is Like Going To A Strip Joint. After 18 Holes You Are Tired And Most Of Your Balls Are Missing.