Here's A Thought For Sweat Shop Owners:

You Know When You See An Advertisement For A Casino, And They Have A Picture Of A Guy Winning Money? That's False Advertising, Because That Happens The Least. That's Like If You're Advertising A Hamburger, They Could Show A Guy Choking. "this Is What Happened Once."

A Burrito Is A Sleeping Bag For Ground Beef.

I`ve Not Really Been Angling To Be A Comedian. I Knew Comics And I Loved Them And I Loved Being Funny, But I Didn't Understand The Whole Concept Of Becoming One. My First Couple Of Times On Stage, I Was Like, "this Is What I'm Doing For Sure." I Was So Excited.

I Got My Hair Highlighted Because I Felt Some Strands Were More Important Than Others.

I Find A Duck's Opinion Of Me Is Very Much Influenced By Whether Or Not I Have Bread.