For The Sake Of Your Marriage, Get

For The Sake Of Your Marriage, Get A King-size Bed. And If You Really Want To Stay Married, Get Two.

People Think Living In Your Parents' Basement Until You're Twenty-nine Is Lame. But What They Don't Realize Is That While You're There, You Save Money On Rent, Food, And Dates.

I Have This Mistress: Show Business.

That's When You Know You're A True Married Couple: When You Have To Apologize For What You Did In Her Dream.

My Wife Gets So Jealous. She Came Home From Work And Was Mad At Me Because There Was A Pretty Girl On The Bus She Thought I Would Have Liked.