In School, I Wasn't A Very Good

I Was At Home Waiting For Projects. I Was On Parenthood And There Was One Season Left, And I Was Thinking, "what's Next?" I'm At This Age Where I'm Trying To Write My Own Script, And They Sent This Over And I Decided To Put Myself On Tape.

I Don't Want To Be A Spokesman For Family Values, But That's The Way My Standup Is Perceived.

I Did 15 Shows A Week When I Lived In New York. I Did Five Shows On A Friday And Seven Shows On A Saturday. It Was Everything I Did And It Was My Sole Source Of Income.

I'd Rather Be In Las Vegas 104 Degrees Than New York 90 Degrees, You Know Why? Legalized Prostitution. In Any Weather That Takes The Edge Off.

Sex After One Child Shows Down. After Twins... Ooh... I'll Tell You What It Is For Us. I'll Share It With You. Every Three Months. We Don't Plan It That Way. That's Just How It Works Out. It's The Weirdest Thing. You Know What I Do? Every Time I Have Sex, The Next Day I Pay My Estimated Tax. My Quarterlies Are Due. If It's Oral Sex, I Renew My Driver's License.