In School, I Wasn't A Very Good

Parents, Just Keep In Mind That Kids Will Always Round Off To The Nearest Obscenity.

If I Have Sex, I Know My Quarterly Estimated Taxes Must Be Due. And If It's Oral Sex, I Know It's Time To Renew My Driver's License.

I Was At Home Waiting For Projects. I Was On Parenthood And There Was One Season Left, And I Was Thinking, "what's Next?" I'm At This Age Where I'm Trying To Write My Own Script, And They Sent This Over And I Decided To Put Myself On Tape.

Identical Twins. I'm Glad They're Identical 'cause You Save Money On Photographs. That's What I Like. Yeah. Here's My Little Boy. I Got Another One Just Like It.

I Don't Want To Be A Spokesman For Family Values, But That's The Way My Standup Is Perceived.