I've Always Suffered From A Complete Inability

I'm From Downer's Grove, Illinois. We Had A Blackout There The Other Day, But Fortunately The Police Made Him Get Back Into His Car Before He Got Too Far.

When I Was A Kid I Used To Pray Every Night For A New Bicycle. Then I Realised That The Lord Doesn't Work That Way So I Stole One And Asked Him To Forgive Me.

So I'm At The Wailing Wall, Standing There Like A Moron, With My Harpoon.

I Think Fur Looks Better On An Animal Than On A Human Being. So I Dress My Dog In A Mink Teddy.

Some Mornings, It's Just Not Worth Chewing Through The Leather Straps.