I've Always Suffered From A Complete Inability

People Always Ask Me, 'where Were You When Kennedy Was Shot?' Well, I Don't Have An Alibi.

He Taught Me Never To Smile, Which Helps Me When I Visit Disaster Sites.

My Mom Gave Me One Of Those Cloth Calendars For The Kitchen. It Took Me Three Hours To Sew In A Dental Appointment.

I Don't Know If I Was Put On This Earth For A Purpose Or Not. But I'm Fairly Confident That I'll Be Taken Off Of It For One.

Isn't This A Wonderful Country? I Was In Florida. I'm Staying At A Motel Called The Three Palms. It's Run By A Middle-aged Couple, One Of Whom Is Missing A Hand. Ok! That's What I Thought, Too! But They Got Upset When I Asked.