Don't Try For Wit. Settle For Humor.

Serve The Dinner Backward, Do Anything - But For Goodness Sake, Do Something Weird.

To Get Fifty People To A Cocktail Party In New York, You Ask One Hundred. In Hollywood, You Invite Twenty.

[on The British Museum:] It Was Manifestly Impossible To Read All The Books In That Huge, Gloomy Structure, But I Made A Good Try And Accumulated A Fund Of Useless Information Guaranteed To Cast A Pall Over Any Dinner Table.

Intolerance Of Mediocrity Has Been The Main Prop Of My Independence.

Fight Fire With Fire. If You Must Have Bores, Always Put Them Together Or At The Same Table ... Bores Have An Effervescent Chemical Reaction On One Another At A Party. They Invariably Have A Marvelous Time Trading Banalities In The Absence Of Competition. Clichés Roll Trippingly Off The Tongue Like Sparkling Epigrams And Trite Observations Acquire Depth Sinking Into Receptive Minds.