Don't Try For Wit. Settle For Humor.

Keep Your Talent In The Dark And You'll Never Be Insulted.

Don't Try For Wit. Settle For Humor. You'll Last Longer.

[on The British Museum:] It Was Manifestly Impossible To Read All The Books In That Huge, Gloomy Structure, But I Made A Good Try And Accumulated A Fund Of Useless Information Guaranteed To Cast A Pall Over Any Dinner Table.

Intolerance Of Mediocrity Has Been The Main Prop Of My Independence.

People Who Have Escaped From Poverty Are Like Old Soldiers. In Later Years They Recount The Little, Amusing Incidents That Happened Infrequently, And Conveniently Forget The Long, Unrelieved Stretches Of Misery And Boredom.