Dave! Relax! Close Your Buttcheeks!

For One Year, I Want To Do This Thing Where I Guest-star On As Many Television Shows As I Possibly Can. I Love Television. The Fact That Television Ultimately Made Me Famous Was Very Gratifying For Me.

Listen, Here It Is: Technically, I Never Quit. I'm Seven Years Late For Work.

After A While, A Joke, If You Say It Too Much, Just Becomes Contrived, Or Fake-sounding.

Where I'm From? A Little Town Called None Of Yo God Damn Business.

My Generation Is Under-entertained.