Congress May Be Going Home For The

I Would Not Have Had Anything To Eat If It Wasn't For The Stuff The Audience Threw At Me.

As Soon As The War Ended, We Located The One Spot On Earth That Hadn't Been Touched By The War And Blew It To Hell.

It's Amazing How Many People You See On Tv. I Did My First Television Show A Month Ago, And The Next Day Five Million Television Sets Were Sold. The People Who Couldn't Sell Theirs Threw Them Away.

I Have Too Much Money Invested In Sweaters.

Golf's Really Fun In Japan Because Of The Women Caddies. ... I Saw One Guy Start Out Playing Alone With His Caddie. By The 9th Hole They Were Engaged And When They Finished On 18 They Had A Foursome.