Communism Is Like One Big Phone Company.

The Reason I'm In This Business, I Assume All Performers Are -- It's Look At Me, Ma! It's Acceptance, You Know -- Look At Me, Ma, Look At Me, Ma, Look At Me, Ma. And If Your Mother Watches, You'll Show Off Till You're Exhausted; But If Your Mother Goes, Ptshew!

Never Tell. Not If You Love Your Wife...in Fact, If Your Old Lady Walks In On You Deny It. Yeah. Just Flat Out And She'll Believe It: "i'm Tellin' Ya. This Chick Came Downstairs With A Sign Around Her Neck 'lay On Top Of Me Or I'll Die.' " I Didn't Know What I Was Goin' To Do.

I Was Surprised When Nixon Passed The Test And Showed Up In Heaven, But, I Guess Hitler Threw Off The Curve For Our Century.

My Mother-in-law Broke Up My Marriage. My Wife Came Home From Work One Day And Found Me In Bed With Her.

Communism Is Just One Big Telephone Company.