By The Time I Am Howard's Age

It's Not A Drug Problem, Until You Run Out Of Money. Until Then It's Just Drugs.

I Quit Drinking, And I Figure If I Go To Ten Yankee Games This Year Without Drinking I'll Save $32,000.

A Weekend In Vegas Without Gambling And Drinking Is Just Like Being A Born-again Christian.

Richard Lewis Has This Incredible Ability To Look Like He's Just... You Know It's An Act That's Been Honed. What You Have To Do In Standup Is Create Spontaneity, Somehow; Even Though You've Done This Act A Million Times, You Gotta Look Like You're Almost Just Thinking Of It Now, To Make It Entertainer.

But I Live An Interesting Life And I Can Tell A Pretty Good Story And It Has Helped My Career. But The Downside Is People Know Everything.