I Wish I Was This Dark Genius

Comedians, We're Just People Who Whine. But We Happen To Be Funny When We Whine.

Women Will Do Anything Oprah Winfrey Says, And That Is Why We Can't Have Women Voting.

The Regular Guy Still Relates To Him And Howard Is A $500 Million Guy Now Who Dates A Model And Drives About In A Limo All Day. But Howard Still Knows How To Make A Plumber Laugh And Those Guys Still Have Him On In The Morning, Because He Is A Real Talent.

It's Not A Drug Problem, Until You Run Out Of Money. Until Then It's Just Drugs.

All I Can Say Is That You Only Realize How Big Your Mountain Is Once Youre Laying Motionless, Helpless, And Hopeless In The Valley Below. No One Goes There On Purpose, If You Get What Im Saying, Because The Only Way To Find Your Personal Low Is To Slip And Roll Down That Mountain Of Yours, Straight Through To The Bottom, No Holds Barred.