As I Look Back On My Life,

I Have Never Seen A Bad Television Program, Because I Refuse To. God Gave Me A Mind, And A Wrist That Turns Things Off.

As I Look Back On My Life, I See It As One Long Obstacle Course With Myself As The Main Obstacle.

The California Cemeteries Make Dying Sound So Attractive It's A Real Effort To Keep Breathing.

As I Was Saying Before I Was Interrupted ... I Believe The Last Thing I Said Was 'there Must Be A Better Way To Make A Living Than This.' Well, I've Looked - And There Isn't.

Immigration Is The Sincerest Form Of Flattery.