As A Child My Family's Menu Consisted

Ninety-nine Percent Is In The Delivery. If You Have The Right Voice And The Right Delivery, You're Cocky Enough, And You Pound Down On The Punch Line, You Can Say Anything And Make People Laugh Maybe Three Times Before They Realize You're Not Telling Jokes.

Golf Is More Fun Than Walking Naked In A Strange Place, But Not Much.

You Want To Know What Makes Me Tick, I'll Tell You What Makes Me Tick. I Was A Boy Growing Up In Brooklyn; I Read A Two-penny Magazine Called 'the Hawk's Nest.' Nobody Entered That Nest That Didn't Leave A Little Richer And A Little Wiser. And That 11-year-old Boy Said, 'isn't That A Wonderful Thing.' And That's All There Is To It.

The Menu Of My Mother Consisted Of Only Two Choices: Leave It Or Take It

Once When I Was Golfing In Georgia, I Hooked The Ball Into The Swamp. I Went In After It And Found An Alligator Wearing A Shirt With A Picture Of A Little Golfer On It.