If A Thing Is Worth Having, It's

I Note The Derogatory Rumors Concerning The Use Of Alcoholic Stimulants And Lavish Living. It Is The Penalty Of Greatness.

When We Have Lost Everything, Including Hope, Life Becomes A Disgrace, And Death A Duty.

When Asked To Borrow Money: "i'll See What My Lawyer Says. . . . And If He Says Yes, I'll Get Another Lawyer.

It Was A Marriage Of Convenience, As My Father Had A Blister On His Big Toe And Couldn't Travel Far To Find A Girl.

Thou Shalt Not Steal-only From Other Comedians.