All My Humor Is Based Upon Destruction

Tv Is Just Advertising For Your Live Gig, So I'm Playing Whichever Show Is Gonna Get Me The Biggest Crowd.

Communism Is Just One Big Telephone Company.

Now A Jew, In The Dictionary, Is One Who Is Descended From The Ancient Tribes Of Judea, Or One Who Is Regarded As Descended From That Tribe. That's What It Says In The Dictionary; But You And I Know What A Jew Is - One Who Killed Our Lord. And Although There Should Be A Statute Of Limitations For That Crime, It Seems That Those Who Neither Have The Actions Nor The Gait Of Christians, Pagan Or Not, Will Bust Us Out, Unrelenting Dues, For Another Deuce.

Guys Are Like Dogs. They Keep Comin' Back. Ladies Are Like Cats. Yell At A Cat One Time, They're Gone.

The Reason I'm In This Business, I Assume All Performers Are -- It's Look At Me, Ma! It's Acceptance, You Know -- Look At Me, Ma, Look At Me, Ma, Look At Me, Ma. And If Your Mother Watches, You'll Show Off Till You're Exhausted; But If Your Mother Goes, Ptshew!