All I Ever Learned At My Mother's

To Get A Roaster Clean, Send Something Like Baked Apples In It To A Neighbor. Neighbors Always Return Pans Spotless, And You Won't Have To Use A Blow Torch On It Like You Usually Do.

Isn't My Fur Stole Pitiful? How Unsuccessful Can A Girl Look? People Think I'm Wearing Anchovies. The Worst Of It Is, I Trapped These Under My Own Sink.

My Photographs Don't Do Me Justice - They Just Look Like Me.

Your Husband Drinks Too Much If He Says He Never Drinks Alone, But Considers The Goldfish Somebody.

I'm The Only Woman Who Can Walk In Central Park At Night... And Reduce The Crime Rate.