After Age Twelve, Birthdays Should Be As

A Grandparent Will Accept Your Calls From Anywhere, Collect.

My Idea Of 'roughing It' Is When You Have To Have An Extension For Your Electric Blanket.

Occasionally, Once A Speaker Is On His Feet, It Is Difficult To Get Him To Sit Down. ... If And When He Returns To Earth, He Notices Half Of The Room Is Paging The Other Half And A Few Are Playing With The Melted Candles.

I Have Seen My Kid Struggle Into The Kitchen In The Morning With Outfits That Need Only One Accessory: An Empty Gin Bottle.

I Come From A Family Where Gravy Is Considered A Beverage.