A Waffle Is Like A Pancake With

I Haven't Slept For Ten Days, Because That Would Be Too Long.

I Don't Wear A Watch Because I Want My Arms To Weigh The Same. So If Somebody Asks Me What Time It Is, I Have To Tell Them Something That Is Going On. "what Time Is It, Mitch?" "uh, That Guy Is Eating A Hamburger." "shi*, I Had To Be Somewhere..."

There Was A Product On Late Night Tv That You Could Attach To Your Garden Hose - "you Can Water Your Hard-to-reach Plants With This." Who Would Make Their Plants Hard To Reach? That Seems So Very Mean. I Know You Need Water, But I'm Going To Make You Hard To Reach. "think Like A Cactus!"

I Don't Have A Girlfriend. But I Do Know A Woman Who'd Be Mad At Me For Saying That.

I Know People Who Believe In Ghosts But Don't Believe In Themselves.