A Stand-up Comic Is Judged By Every

Life Began On This Planet When The First Amoeba Split. Mankind Will Still Be Seeking God, Not Accepting That God Is A Spirit; Can't See It, Touch It, Only Feel It. It's Called Love.

I Don't Like To Cook. I Can Make A Tv Dinner Taste Like Radio.

I'd Love To Slit My Mother-in-law's Corsets And Watch Her Spread To Death.

The Reason I'm Not An Alcoholic Is I Don't Like To Drink In Front Of The Kids . . . And When You're Away From Them, Who Needs It?.

My Mother-in-law Must Be The Probation Officer I Got For The Crime I Committed Of Marrying My Husband.