I Like To Approach Every Day Like

The Other Day My Twelve-year-old Says To Me, I Don't Feel Like I'm With You Right Now. You're In The Car With Me, You're Checking Your E-mail, You're Not Listening To Me, I Don't Feel Like I'm With You. And I Say, You Know What? That Was Your Mother's Gripe, Too. And She Was Right. And You're Also Correct. When You Cop To Something, You Get To The Next Level. In This Case, The Next Level Is: I Just Learned Something From My Twelve-year-old.

I Was Going To Do A Big Radio Show, And I Said To My Driver, 'radio Can Wait, Take Me To The Full House House.' It Literally Was A Drive-by. I Photobombed The Full House House Yesterday. I Took Like 20 Pictures Because I Thought I Didn't Look Good In Any Of These - You Can't See The House! You Gotta Really Show That That's The House!

I Was On Entourage Last Week Smoking A Bong And Making Out With Hookers And I Did Show Them That Before, Cause It Wasn't A Hard 'r' Cause A Lot Of People Are Watching That Show That They Know, Not My Little One - She's 12, But Very Sophisticated So It's An Unusual Case.

What I've Learned About Comedy People Is That They're Defined By The Harshest Level They've Been To, Their Personal Auschwitz.

One Of The First Things I Said When I Signed On For The Show Was No Hugs! Full House Was All Based On Hugs.