Jeff Ross Quotes

South Park Called...they Want Their Everything Back.

I Think Jersey Stands Alone, And Because I'm From Jersey, I Never Make Fun Of Where People Are From. I'll Make Fun Of What They Look Like, But I'll Never Make Fun Of Where They Are From. Jersey Is Special.

Last Time I Was In Canada Celine Dion Had Just Given Birth To Identical Twins. Which Is Quite An Achievement Given Her Age And Face.

I Would Vote For You For President But I'm Against Big Government.

You Have Such A Huge Career ... Behind You.

Sometimes During My Set I Invite Volunteers Up On Stage To Get Speed-roasted And I'm Worried That I May Have Hundreds Of People Rushing The Stage All At Once. Luckily I'm A Black Belt In Karate And I Can Fend Them Off.

I Can't Defend Someone Else's Jokes. I Can Only Defend My Jokes, And I Have To Live With My Own Jokes.

I Don't Think It's Unfair To Have Writers. I Think If You're Going To Do A Roast On Television, As If You Were Doing A Play Or You Were Reading A Script Of A Movie, You Would Have The Best Possible Material. And Those Are The People Who Score, The People Who Are Willing To Listen To The Roasting Experts And Then Come Out There And Own That Material.

In Boston Where Community Policing Is So Important, They Don't Necessarily Have To Like Each Other, But They Know Each Other. The Cops In Boston Make It Their Business To Get Out Of Their Vehicles, To Engage The Public, To Walk Around The Neighborhoods. They Live In The Community That They Police. And I Think These Things Help.

As Soon As You Start Analyzing Comedy Is When The World Starts To Fall Apart, And We're Second Guessing It. And We Are Way Too Sensitive.

Life Is Tough, And If We Don't Laugh, We're Going To - Our Head Will Explode.

It's Very Rare That An Older Comedian Sort Of Slips Into An Old-school Clunker. You Know, You Don't Hear Too Much Of That Anymore.