You Learn Who Your Friends Are When

The Squirrel In My Yard Really Knows His Way Around The Neighborhood.

Soon, I'm Going To Meet Somebody Around My Own Age, And She's Going To Be Smart And Beautiful, And I'm Going To Date Her Daughter.

I Am Stressed Because Once I Am Flattened Out So Thin To Be Able To Slide Under A Doorway, I May Never Be Able To Ever Be Unflattened So I Could Be Regular Sized Again.

If I Ever Die, I Want It To Be Cause I Got Hit By A Car Saving A Kid.

I Love Watching People Get Hit In The Crotch. But Only If They Get Back Up. If Their Teeth Are Bleeding, If They're Really Hurt, If An Ambulance Has To Come, I'm Not Laughing.