You Know What Ken Lay Had For

People Made A Big Deal Out Of The Fact This Is The First Time A Sitting President Has Done A Late-night Show. We Tried To Have Other Presidents On, But President Bush Went To Bed Every Night At 9:00. And President Clinton Always Seemed To Have Other Late-night Plans.

Yesterday, Saddam Hussein Got 100 Percent Of The Vote. Well, That's According To Saddam's Campaign Manager, Jeb Hussein.

President Obama Told The Irish People That America Will Always Stand By Them, To Which Israel Laughed.

A Second Homeland Security Official Has Been Arrested, A 49-year-old Guy Named Frank Figueroa, He Was Caught Exposing And Fondling Himself To A Teenage Girl In A Shopping Mall In Florida. Do You Realize? If Osama Bin Laden Was A 14-year Old Girl, We Would Have Had Him By Now. ... Who Is Going To Start Protecting Us From The Department Of Homeland Security? ... It Kind Of Makes You Long For The Good Old Wholesome Days Of The Clinton Administration.

Jesse Jackson Also Said He Thought Barack Obama Was Talking Down To Black People By Lecturing Them On Things Like Fatherhood And Being A Responsible Husband. Jesse Thought It Was Insulting, Not Only To Him, But To His Former Mistress And Their Love Child.