You Know How Many Stunning Women Told

America Is The Only Country In The World Where You Can Burn The Flag But Can't Tear The Tag Off The Mattress.

My Material Is As New As Anything On The Dinner Table. What Difference Does It Make If I'm 70 Or If I'm 20? The Audience Knows They Aren't Getting Any Old Stories From Me.

I Have No Idea What's Going To Happen With America In The Future.

I'm Still Suffering From Shock From The Last War. I Was Almost Drafted! Luckily I Was Wounded While Taking The Physical. When I Reached The Psychiatrist, I Said, Give Me A Gun, I'll Wipe Out The Whole German Army In Five Minutes. He Said, You're Crazy! I Said, Write It Down!

I've Found That My Humor Goes Over Big In London.