I Didn't Think It Was Fair To

My Material Is As New As Anything On The Dinner Table. What Difference Does It Make If I'm 70 Or If I'm 20? The Audience Knows They Aren't Getting Any Old Stories From Me.

People Make Fools Out Of Themselves In All Sorts Of Ways. No Particular Qualifications Or Particular Criteria Are Necessary.

You Know How Many Stunning Women Told Me They Can't Stand A Good-looking Man? ... Women Feel Secure With An Ugly Guy Because A Man In Bad Shape Isn't Gonna Cheat.

I've Got Another Friend Who Is Half-german And Half-polish. He Hates Jews But Can't Remember Why!

I Regularly Sell Out More In England Than I Do In America.