You Can't Pray Away Global Warming, And

We Don't Really Have To Make Fun Of Religion - It Makes Fun Of Itself.

I Want You Teabaggers Out There To Understand One Thing: While You Idolize The Founding Fathers And Dress Up Like Them, And Smell Like Them, I Think It's Pretty Clear That The Founding Fathers Would Have Hated Your Guts. And What's More, You Would've Hated Them. They Were Everything You Despise. They Studied Science, Read Plato, Hung Out In Paris And Thought The Bible Was Mostly Bulls**t.

March Madnesss...the Only Place Where You Hear 'kansas Is Advancing.'

The Problem Is That The People With The Most Ridiculous Ideas Are Always The People Who Are Most Certain Of Them.

New Rule: You're Never Going To Pick Up Women At A Coffee Shop Pretending To Be Working On Your Laptop. You Don't Look Like You're Sensitive, You Look Like You're Homeless.the Last Guy To Pick Up A Chick With An Apple Was Adam. And When You Sit Across From Another Dateless Loser With A Laptop, It Still Doesn't Look Like You're Working--it Looks Like You're Playing Battleship.