If We Were A Dog And God

Now That They've Finished Reading The Constitution Out Loud, The Teabaggers Must Call Out That Group Of Elitist Liberals Whose Values Are So Antithetical To Theirs. I'm Talking Of Course About The Founding Fathers, Who The Teabaggers Believe Are Just Like Them, But Aren't. One Is A Group Of Exclusively White Men Who Live In A Bygone Century, Have Bad Teeth, And Think Of Blacks As 3/5 Of A Person, And The Other Are The Founding Fathers.

Rick Santorum Doesn't Like Sex. He Doesn't Like The Pill. He Really Doesn't Like Condoms. He Said If Men Are Going To Pull Something On To Prevent Procreation, Nothing Works Better That A Sweater Vest.

I Kid Fox News, But They May Be A Little Biased. We Had An Earthquake Here On Monday, And They Reported That 'the Earth's Crust Was Emboldened By Obama's Weakness.'

Our Mistakes From The Past Are Just That: Mistakes. And They Were Necessary To Make In Order To Become The Wiser Person We Became.

Doctors Said That The Test Most Commonly Used To Screen For Colon Cancer Doesn't Go Far Enough. They're Recommending A Procedure That Involves Photographing The Entire Colon. I Say, Don't Vie Cbs An Idea For Another Reality Show.