Whether It's The Best Of Times Or

The Best Way To Clean Up A Son's Room Is To Close The Door And Pretend It's Not Part Of The House.

Writing Humor In My Column Isn't As Dangerous As Performing It. If I Fail In Front Of A Live Audience, The Humiliation Is As Great As Anything A Human Being Can Suffer.

Television Has A Real Problem. They Have No Page Two.

I Like Champagne Because It Always Tastes As Though My Foot's Asleep.

New York Was The Glamorous Town That You Only See Now In Old Movies And On Broadway Stages. The Sky Was Lit Up With Dancing Neon Signs. It Was Safe To Walk Out In The Streets.