I Have No Idea Where I'm Going

Television Has A Real Problem. They Have No Page Two.

On The Whole I Woke Up In The Morning And Was Happy To Be Alive.

War For Most Men Is Not Fighting Or Marching In Parades. It Is Sitting Around Somewhere Wondering What The Hell You Are Supposed To Be Doing.

I Don't Know Whether This Is The Best Of Times Or The Worst Of Times, But I Assure You It's The Only Time You've Got. You Can Either Sit On Your Expletive Deleted Or Pick A Daisy.

Writing Humor In My Column Isn't As Dangerous As Performing It. If I Fail In Front Of A Live Audience, The Humiliation Is As Great As Anything A Human Being Can Suffer.